Cultural Evolution: Program Helps International Spouses Adjust Published May 6, 2016 By George Woodward 82nd Training Wing Public Affairs SHEPPARD AIR FORCE BASE, Texas -- Being a military spouse is a tough job, maybe the toughest on the planet. Imagine, then, the challenge of being a military spouse from another country. It’s a challenge that Bernardette Henderson, born in Bolivia, knows very well – and one that led her to establish the Sheppard International Spouses Group last November. “It’s a tough situation,” Henderson said, “because you are trying to keep your own culture, and also to learn two new cultures – not just the American culture, but also the Air Force culture.” The experience, she said, can be isolating. “When you don’t feel confident with the language, with English here, it can make you hesitant to go out or attend events,” she said. “Simple things are hard, like buying the right product at the store, communicating with the school, calling for appointments. It can make you feel like you just don’t want to leave your home.” When you combine that with the fact that many international spouses don’t drive, it’s a situation that can easily lead to loneliness, depression, and even cultural misunderstanding. “For a spouse who feels stuck inside, it can be easy to believe that Americans are cold, and that makes me sad because the American people are very warm and giving. That was my vision – I wanted to narrow the gap between the internationals and the Americans, to build understanding.” With that vision in mind, Henderson approached Dee Dee Doherty in October, wife of installation commander Brig. Gen. Patrick Doherty, with the idea of starting a group for international spouses. “Upon seeing Bernardette’s passion to help other international spouses, and realizing just how many international spouses were here at Sheppard,” Mrs. Doherty said, “I thought it was a wonderful idea.” “It was something I thought about when I first came to Sheppard, and general and Mrs. Doherty gave me the support I needed to start,” she said. They decided to move quickly, and hold the first meeting in November. “I didn’t want to wait too long,” Henderson said, “so we just kind of jumped in.” It was rough at first, she said, because they were starting from absolute scratch. “We didn’t know where to hold it, how to advertise, what to do. I told Dee Dee, ‘If one person comes, I will be happy.’” Eight people came to the first meeting. “Only four were internationals, the rest were my American friends who came to support me. But I was happy with two!” The group has grown since then, though, to more than 30, and 20 routinely attend meetings. “We try to do something practical at the meetings, and try to have a theme,” Henderson said. “The most important thing, though, is to have fun!” In December, for example, she heard some of the spouses worriedly talking about Texas weather, and especially tornadoes. “They didn’t know what to do, so we invited the Emergency Management office to come speak to us,” Henderson said. The spouses had plenty of questions, from where to shelter in their homes to whether or not to pick up children from school. As it turned out, the discussion was more timely than anyone had guessed – the base had a near-miss with a tornado in March. “They were well prepared,” Henderson said. On another occasion, Henderson had asked some of the group about their Key Spouses. “The way they looked at me, I thought they didn’t know who their Key Spouse was,” she said. “But they didn’t even know what a Key Spouse was – which surprised me because we have such a good program here.” The next month, the topic of discussion was Key Spouses and the Airman & Family Readiness Center. “It was very helpful, because many of the spouses didn’t know they could use the all the services and classes offered on base,” Henderson said. Meetings are held on the second Tuesday of every month at the North Chapel Annex from 10 a.m. to noon. Ish. “We always stay longer. I usually come home at two, just because I have to pick up my kids from school.” That’s one of the ways Henderson knows the effort was worth it. “It was rough in the beginning,” she said. “But I’m so glad for the support I received from the Dohertys and from the group commanders that gave me the confidence to do it.” During one meeting, a spouse said to her, “This is oxygen for me, so I can breathe. God bless you for doing this.” “That’s what I wanted for them,” Henderson said. “To have fun and enjoy being at Sheppard.” The May meeting will include a presentation by an image consultant, and in June a member of the Wichita Falls Chamber of Commerce will provide information on things to do in the community this summer. Meetings are open to everyone, but the focus is to support international spouses. This includes active duty, retired, enlisted and officer spouses as well as the spouses of international military members assigned to Sheppard. “We meet in a big circle,” Henderson said, “so everyone can look at each other and talk. It’s OK if they don’t know the word or how to say something, because we are all learning!” The June meeting will be Henderson’s last at Sheppard, as her family has permanent change of station orders. After the June meeting, the group will take a break for the summer and restart in September. Karen Wolf will take over for Henderson in managing the group. “We are definitely going to miss Bernardette – she’s done so much for so many people. She’s a perfect example of how one person really can make a difference,” Mrs. Doherty said. As for Henderson, her hope is that the group will continue to grow, and that more international spouses will feel the love and support that will give them the confidence to get involved. “If we don’t go out and get involved,” she said, “we’re missing out. Who knows? Maybe you will meet your best friend for life.”